Wondering

I guess I'm still reeling from having not gone to the reunion a couple of weeks ago.

While it is very true that I was busy that day, I could have made it there. If I hadn't talked myself out of it, and MADE myself too busy to go.

I don't know why I talked myself out of it. Truthfully, I had been looking forward to the event for the better part of a year.

I guess, to some degree... it was the part of me that didn't let the real me out in high school that got the better of me that day. I was so primed to go, and then as the date aproached, that old voice from within... the one I've been learning to neglect... grew louder and louder. And the next thing I knew, I was that geeky kid from high school again. The one who couldn't talk to THOSE girls. The one who couldn't hang with the in-crowd. The one who hated his life and everyone in it, around it, and hid in a shadow of self-doubt and self-pity.

For one unfortunate moment, I became that piece of shit kid again.

I can't believe it.

But, I managed to fight him off long enough to get my butt to the picnic. Which was good. And then I got to talk to Allie Kemp-Sullivan (she said she doesn't mind the hyphenated version too much). And that was good.

And honestly. Talking to Allie... well... that has had a profound impact on me.

Now... it's not like we talked for a long time or anything. It's just that we talked. And I was able to connect to many things she said that day. And it's helped me finally get to a point where I can stare that angry young version of me in the face and say, "Get lost! You were wrong!"

I wasn't the only one hurting in High School, I wasn't the only one who didn't feel cool. We all felt that way, in one way or another, at some point during those years.

What matters is that we grew past it, rose above it and became the people we were always meant to become.

Some of us have gotten further along in that journey faster than others, but that's not the point. The destination is not the point, it's the journey there. The trials met and the goals achieved that makes us interesting, successful and ultimately... adult.

I'm an adult now. I will no longer hold onto my childhood traumas, I will no longer give strength to my childhood fears. I will enjoy life, for what it is. Not for what it should have been, or could have been.

We are who we are... forever changing, growing... becoming.

I don't know about the rest of you guys... but I'm excited about what's around the bend...

Peace Out!