WUSA Founders Cup III

What a game! The Founders Cup game was tremendous fun. The weather was hot, the game was tight and the girls playing were hot as well!

I love watching soccer games in the stadiums. It's really the best way to watch soccer.

Soccer on T.V. can be alright, but it's very hard to get a good feel of the flow of the game when all you can see is 1/3 of the field. So much about soccer is related to the movement and tempo of the players off the ball.

But anyway... the game was one of the best WUSA games I've seen, very exciting and very close. I would have loved to have seen the Spirit in the game, but no matter. I'll take ANYONE beating Atlanta on any day!

Guess that's all for now... gotta get to work. And... I gotta get prepped for the Women's World Cup! (It's just around the corner now, you know?)

THE GOVERNATOR

Future Governor Schwarzenegger is on the air... er the net... I'm listening to his Press Conference. And I must say... The man has my vote.

Karyn heard me listening to the conference and commented, "This whole things a joke." To which I replied, "Gray Davis is a joke, at least we are finding ways to keep it funny."

Just my 2 cents worth.

WONDERING

Wow... I must still be reeling a bit from the feeling of growing older... You know, the feeling you get when you pass a life milestone? Like a 10 year H.S. reunion?

I've not been able to shake this feeling... that somehow... I've let something slip by. That I've missed some major moment in my life. That I've set myself on a course that I can't navigate off of.

I'm of course talking about being single. I've been single a very long time. Well... I did have a small thing for a couple of months about two years ago... but it was never "serious" and was more fun than anything substantial. In all reality I've not had a serious relationship since 1993.

It's been 10 years since I've TRULY had a Girlfriend. 10 years since I shared everything about me with a woman. The good, the bad, the embarassing, the uplifting... all of it.

I think it's starting to weigh on me. This feeling. This gnawing emptiness that sometimes I just can't shake.

And seeing Laura... pregnant and engaged... while it makes my heart sing to see her happiness and joy...

well...

It also brings with it a certain degree of sadness and bewilderment. I never intended to be alone for so long. I never thought that I'd be pushing 30 and alone. But alas... I am.

Sure I have friends and family... but I don't have that "SOMEONE"... that friend that you tell everything to... the lover whose arms you fall asleep in... that partner who shares in your every accomplishment and failure... that "SOMEONE".

Have I let her get away? Did she come into my life at some point and move on when I didn't get "the hint"? Is it possible that I've been so caught up in my own self doubts and my own self pity over Tayva from so many many years ago that I just flat out didn't see her when she came my way?

Could I have allowed myself to have missed my chance?

That's my fear. That I've been too stupid to notice that moment, that one crystal clear moment that you always hear about. When everything finally "makes sense" and you "just know".

What if I wasn't paying enough attention?

I guess I'll just have to believe that I haven't missed out. That my future still holds her in it's arms and is waiting until the right moment to let me know.

It's possible she's in my life already, but the timing hasn't been right. It's possible she's yet to pass.

But I'm going to hold on to the notion the "SHE" is out there. And when the timing's right, the universe will reveal her truth to me.

I have to believe this. I have no choice. Otherwise, what's the point in anything?

Know what I mean?

Fridays

Remember when you were young and Friday's meant the world to you? All you could do all week was wait for Friday to arrive.

Friday, the day the week stopped and fun began! Friday, when the burdens of school departed and the freakish delight of two days of worry free playtime began!

Friday!

Friday...

It's Friday. Another day of the week. My how perceptions change. No longer does Friday hold that magical mystery feel... It's just the last "official" day of the work week.

But that doesn't mean anything really. If there's work to do, Saturday's game for it! Sunday too.

Technically speaking, this Friday was even a bill due date day! Ugh!!!

I don't think I remember the last time an approaching Friday brought me an ounce of excitement and cheer.

Hmmm.

Growing up sucks!

Wondering

I guess I'm still reeling from having not gone to the reunion a couple of weeks ago.

While it is very true that I was busy that day, I could have made it there. If I hadn't talked myself out of it, and MADE myself too busy to go.

I don't know why I talked myself out of it. Truthfully, I had been looking forward to the event for the better part of a year.

I guess, to some degree... it was the part of me that didn't let the real me out in high school that got the better of me that day. I was so primed to go, and then as the date aproached, that old voice from within... the one I've been learning to neglect... grew louder and louder. And the next thing I knew, I was that geeky kid from high school again. The one who couldn't talk to THOSE girls. The one who couldn't hang with the in-crowd. The one who hated his life and everyone in it, around it, and hid in a shadow of self-doubt and self-pity.

For one unfortunate moment, I became that piece of shit kid again.

I can't believe it.

But, I managed to fight him off long enough to get my butt to the picnic. Which was good. And then I got to talk to Allie Kemp-Sullivan (she said she doesn't mind the hyphenated version too much). And that was good.

And honestly. Talking to Allie... well... that has had a profound impact on me.

Now... it's not like we talked for a long time or anything. It's just that we talked. And I was able to connect to many things she said that day. And it's helped me finally get to a point where I can stare that angry young version of me in the face and say, "Get lost! You were wrong!"

I wasn't the only one hurting in High School, I wasn't the only one who didn't feel cool. We all felt that way, in one way or another, at some point during those years.

What matters is that we grew past it, rose above it and became the people we were always meant to become.

Some of us have gotten further along in that journey faster than others, but that's not the point. The destination is not the point, it's the journey there. The trials met and the goals achieved that makes us interesting, successful and ultimately... adult.

I'm an adult now. I will no longer hold onto my childhood traumas, I will no longer give strength to my childhood fears. I will enjoy life, for what it is. Not for what it should have been, or could have been.

We are who we are... forever changing, growing... becoming.

I don't know about the rest of you guys... but I'm excited about what's around the bend...

Peace Out!

FEELING REALLY BURNED OUT

I don't know what it is... maybe it's the combination of the sun, a boring Surf Cup (administratively speaking) and an overabundance of work at... well... work, but I'm fealling really burned out.

Now, I know everyone feels that way from time to time... and I know I'll power through it. But I just felt like I needed to just put that one out there.

So how was your weekend? Let me know!

Not much to say

Not much to say today. It's Friday. I can't wait to get into the weekend and get the second half of Surf Cup out of the way.

Erik and I came up with a great idea today for our company to persue. That's stock footage DVD's. We can shoot all kinds of great nature, business and other miscellaneous stock footage and sell them as themed DVD's.

It could be a great piece of business.

Oh... and keep your fingers crossed for us... we have a number of great leads on some high profile video productions.

Later... I'm outta here!